Behind Blue Eyes
by KidHeart4
Summary: A simple song fictoin about Sawyer and his inner emotions on many thoughts that he locks away. Very thought out and written with a great deal of heart. So please enjoy, and let me know what you think. For Sawyer, and all Sawyer fans.


Behind Blue Eyes.

By:KidHeart4

Disclaimer: I do not own LOST or any of the characters from the show. I do not own the song "Behind Blue Eyes" by The Who either. This is just a song fiction that I wrote for fun, and I hope you enjoy it. Read and Review please!

_For Sawyer._

No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes

Sawyer stood alone on the beach of the island, watching the waves as he stood still. The wind blew gently through his dirty blond hair. His sapphire colored eyes caught every movement of the calm waves. Not a single motion was unlooked upon by the grown man. Today he was wearing a button down black shirt with denim jeans. Though he did not wear a smile during this long moment as he still stood there, with his bare feet in the warm sand.

It was just after noon, they thought, and others were either exploring, relaxing, helping, hunting, or trying to regain hope of being found. Sawyer however, took no part in any of these right now. Though he wondered if they would be stuck here forever, forced to try and survive on an island that was filled with danger. No one had seen the monster yet, but they had no doubt in their minds that it was there. They had heard it enough times to know.

Though for now Sawyer didn't concern himself with such thoughts. Very little really scared him anymore; he would get startled by some things, such as the whispering he had heard a few nights ago; but it didn't really frighten him. No, since his dark childhood Sawyer had not been phased by much.

No one knows what it's like  
To be hated  
To be fated  
To telling only lies

His past had been one of anguish and hatred. A past that he longed to erase it's self. His family was gone because of a man that he despised with all his being. A man that he had wanted revenge from, but was tricked into killing a man that had not done a thing to him. He had grown up into a life of lies and escapes. A life he wanted to change.

He knew this deep in his heart as he still watched the waves.

Though now he turned his captivating gaze slowly around him, finding Sayid, Jin, Sun, Michael, and Walt. No sign of Kate he noted to himself. He guessed that she was with Jack.

He often wondered to himself if she liked the guy, or if Kate and himself had a connection. He secretly wanted to know, but didn't show it what so ever. He preferred fooling around with her, and playing games to trick her into telling him. Though he saw that she played her own cards just as well as he did. He laughed to himself at that thought; she was a hard one for him to read, that was for sure. Most women had fallen easily to his charm and capturing gaze of his blue eyes. Not Kate though.

But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be

Sawyer's conscience, he wondered if he had one now that he thought of how he used to fool romance seeking women into falling for him when he needed money or just some fun. He frowned at that, wishing he could have actually been honest with at least one of them. Then maybe he wouldn't be trapped here with people he hardly knew. Perhaps he wouldn't feel the need for his hate filled revenge?

Of course now it was too late. He was trapped here on this island. Though the company wasn't too bad. He and Jack were slowly but surely were beginning to see eye to eye as somewhat friends. He and Kate in some unknown way, even to him, had a connection. He also fought less with the other survivors. That was a little comforting to him, but he still wished that he had someone to return to if he did ever get off of this forsaken piece of land.

Though, deep down, a great agony reminded him that there was no one waiting for his return; hoping that he was alive, and praying for his return. No one was crying for losing him. He was on his own in the world, and nothing could change that. That's what he thought anyway. Poor Sawyer felt very alone at that thought, and he returned his deep eyes to the even deeper ocean.

I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

Sawyer sighed as he stopped his quiet stare and began to walk back to his area of the beach. The place where he kept his stash of water, liquor, and other items that he'd scavenged from the wreck. Where he slept every night, protecting his finds for himself. Why should he help the others when they had so little trust in him? They looked at him as though he were an enemy.

Though as time went on, Sawyer saw that those looks of mistrust were fading into smiles of attempting friendship that he wasn't sure whether to return or turn away from. Questions like that came often to his mind; a mind filled up with wanting revenge for the pain he had endured throughout his life, and a head that many times came up with clever plans of mischief and trouble. Was he ready to let it all go for now? At least until if and when he got home? Right now he didn't know, and he didn't want to think about it at the moment.

No one knows what it's like  
To feel these feelings  
Like I do  
And I blame you

Sawyer now remembered why he found it so hard to let his true emotions loose. It was because of**_ him_** that he had a heart filled with hatred, and a mind taken up by revenge. The man that had taken his family was the soul reason that Sawyer lead this life of hurt and loneliness; and he blamed that hated man with every day of his life. He wanted to be able to be friends with others, that is why he was trying to be friendly with the others. Yet he still found it hard to be who he wanted to be. A man without so much dark feelings overwhelming him. It was **_his_** fault.

No one bites back as hard  
On their anger  
None of my pain and woe  
Can show through

Yet he did allow some cheerful feelings to be released. If he was on a island with strangers that knew next to nothing of his life, he may as well attempt to be hopeful. There was no point in wasting time moping around. Sawyer had a happy-go-lucky attitude that just couldn't be caged.

Now he had made it to his area. His place of sanctuary, as small as it was. He looked around to still find a few others sitting around. Shannon was sun bathing, not noticing that her brother had gone off with Locke again. It didn't appear to bother her either while she talked with Sayid.

Sawyer sat down now as he picked up a small bottle of alcohol and took a sip. He sank back against a blanket that he had draped over something to make it feel better to sit up against. Now he allowed his mind to wonder again as he looked back at the softly crashing waves.

It was sunny as usual, and it hadn't rained in a few days. Today he hoped that it would stay warm. The feeling of the sun's rays on his tanned skin was comforting to his colder feelings. The saddening thoughts of his past washing away with the water and his drink.

But my dreams  
They aren't as empty  
As my conscience seems to be

He smiled at the warm sun, basking in the heat for now as he set his drink down and rested his head against the blanket. Though he wasn't tired, so he stayed awake. Still watching that ocean, as though a glimpse of hope sailed over it's blue depths. A hope for many things for him; life, home, friendship, and fading hatred.

Love was another thing that he wanted deep down in his soul. At that thought, Kate came to his mind. He remembered their game of "I Never" and how much fun it had been for most of it. He recalled most of their confessions of love, humor, problems, and a small bit of childhood. It had been fun, even if they had only shared one sad thing in common. He had gotten to know her better, which had been the point of the game. Yet he wanted to know even more.

Sawyer wished to know if he had a chance for passion now. Especially with someone who seemed to be a match for him.

He put his fingers to his lips, trying to remember the taste of her kiss. The feeling of yearning awakening in him. That is why he had only answered to her when the others wanted something, for he'd wanted that kiss from her. Now that he had gotten it, he secretly wanted more.

I have hours, only lonely  
My love is vengeance  
That's never free

Sawyer closed his eyes for a moment as he took another sip, but when he opened them he was slightly startled to find Kate looking down at him. He bit his lip to keep from chuckling to himself at how when you thought of someone, they were bound to suddenly show up.

"Can I help you?" He asked her in good humor, "Or have you come to keep me company?"

"How can you just sit there not doing anything? Are you that much of a loner?" She enquired with a frown spreading over her lips.

The lips that she had kissed him with. He wondered if she had felt what he had felt during that moment of pure passion; or had it been just him that yearned for such a feeling?

"Listen sweetheart, I don't feel pressured to do anything for anyone but myself," he told her with a grin.

Though inside he was frowning. He wanted to know.

When my fist clenches, crack it open  
Before I use it and lose my cool  
When I smile, tell me some bad news  
Before I laugh and act like a fool

"Do you really have no feelings Sawyer? For others but only you I mean?" Kate posed a bit harshly.

"If I answered that, you might not like the answer," he replied in the same good humor as he gazed up at her.

He looked at her from foot to face. She was wearing kacky pants and a aqua green shirt. Her skin just lightly tanned from the time in the sun this passed month. Her dark brown hair cascading down her back and over her shoulders. Her pretty face that he loved looking at, but never would admit it to her; not yet anyway. Her lips. The lips he wanted to kiss, in return for them kissing him.

"You know, a smile should be worn more often than a frown, other wise people begin to worry," he said, showing her his own wide smile with white teeth and all.

"People like you?" She asked a bit mockingly.

"Maybe," was the beginning of his answer, "or Jack might be concerned. You wouldn't want to worry your good hearted doctor boy friend now would you?"

"He's not my boyfriend," she said in her defence as she looked down at him still.

The fire in her eyes spit dangerously, but he couldn't help but smirk. He almost enjoyed getting her angry. He thought she was cute when she held a temper with him.

"What are you smiling about now?" She demanded.

"Nothing that I'm willing to tell about," he replied.

She sighed frustrated, beginning to give up as she began to walk away; but then she stopped as she looked back at him.

If I swallow anything evil  
Put your finger down my throat  
If I shiver, please give me a blanket  
Keep me warm, let me wear your coat

"What is it?" Sawyer asked, noticing confusion in her eyes.

"I still don't understand you as well as I thought I did," she said annoyed.

Sawyer stood up now as he approached her, not fulling knowing why he was. Then he stopped and gazed at her as he had gazed at the ocean not too long ago. The feeling of hope in his heart; but still not wanting to tell her that. He thought that she should understand him. They did share a connection somehow that they couldn't share with anyone else on the island that they knew of. He knew it, so why didn't she?

"You should understand, you just don't feel it like I do," he told her.

She stared at him confused; yet she didn't back away. He only vaguely wondered why she didn't move away from him.

"You and I have gotten to know each other quite a bit haven't we?" He reminded.

She nodded.

"Then stop avoiding it," he bit with a voice only slightly harsher than he had intended to use.

He spoke with more of his own good natured tone again, "You know you can't resist being around me because of that connection, can you?"

She shook her head as she looked up at him.

He smiled with hi deep blue eyes gazing down at her. Though he still wouldn't reveal everything to her now. That would be for another time, when he could finally be freed within. For now however, he would enjoy playing games of charm and good humor with her.

No one knows what it's like  
To be the bad man  
To be the sad man  
Behind blue eyes

Then he sat back down in his sun warmed spot while she still watched him. He looked at her still smirking as gazed at her and the ocean behind her. Both were very beautiful to him; and both gave him a feeling of hope.

He found another bottle of alcohol in his bag and reached it out to her, "Care to join me?"

A smile began to take over Kate now as she walked over to him and reached for the small bottle. Yet he pulled it away before she could barely even touch it.

"Hold on, why don't you sit down and stay awhile?" He enquired curiously.

So she sat down next to him and she almost got the bottle when he pulled it away again.

"Now what?" She asked.

"This is what," he told her as he leaned in closer to her and closed his mouth over her's.

It was Sawyer's turn to give her that feeling of wonder and wanting, that she would have to be stuck with until they finally realized that they shared the same thoughts and feelings; and so he gave her all he had been wanting to give her with that one deep kiss.

When he pulled away he willingly gave her the bottle, and was satisfied when he saw the look of wanting in her eyes. Though his own blue eyes just smiled in return as he said, "Take it or leave it sweetheart."

Though he wondered if he saw both meanings to that, for she took the bottle in his hand; but left his heart for another time.

Sawyer hoped.

The End.


End file.
